Long Distance Relationships in Residency: Should You Do It?

DON'T DO IT!!! Okay, I'm kidding...well, not really. Many couples find themselves contemplating the idea of long distance relationships right around graduation time. After all, you've put in months, even years of hard work towards the relationship and you tell yourself that a little distance should not be a big deal! Initially, it doesn't seem like such a daunting task but as the months pass, the distance will inevitably start taking its toll on the relationship. Now things may be much easier if you have a "regular" 9-5 job and have the luxury of visiting each other on the weekends but during residency, such luxuries are few and far between. Often, you're working 12-14 hour days with barely enough time to care for yourself, talk less of maintaining the spark of the relationship.

Now I was in a long distance relationship with someone living across the Atlantic Ocean for many years, so I'm no stranger to the challenges of long distance. While one may think that a long distance relationship within the U. S. should be a piece of cake in comparison, it still comes with its own challenges. I realize that every couple is different and the decision to engage in a long distance relationship should be individualized, but many couples will experience very similar struggles. There are several factors that will determine the success of your long distance relationship and the key ones are listed below.

1. Your Partner

This is major key! The type of partner you have and the type of partner you are will determine the success of the relationship. Now imagine your partner finally coming to visit you and you're both looking forward to spending time together. You get off your 13-hour shift and when you get home, your partner is finally happy to have you home. 30 minutes later, you're slouched over on the couch against your will, fast asleep, and snoring in your dirty hospital scrubs. It takes a special type of partner to be understanding and not get upset in that situation. In the same token, being tired is not an excuse to neglect your partner. It is still your responsibility to make time in the midst of chaos to call or Facetime regularly. Venting to your partner about work is often another way of bonding. It can make them feel more involved in your day-to-day activities, even though they're not there with you. Now don't spend the entire time complaining and venting, no one likes that.

2. Communication

We all know the saying "the key to a successful relationship is good communication" but this becomes even more vital in a long distance relationship. If one or both individuals are not good at communicating, the chances of success decrease dramatically. Both individuals have to communicate openly and honestly at every point and avoid letting issues fester over long periods of time. They say there's no such thing as over-communicating and in the case of long distance relationships, I couldn't agree more.

3. The Lord Almighty Himself

This actually should be number one on the list but I'll proceed anyway. It will take an act of God to give you strength, patience, and determination to make it work. Okay, maybe I'm being a little dramatic here but you get the point. Long distance relationships are really hard and it will take a divine entity to keep both individuals sane and balanced.

To those in long distance relationships, you are the real MVPs, keep fighting the good fight! To those considering it, make sure you are both on the same page and prioritize good communication. For those who have resigned from long distance relationships, keep living your best life and bask in the bliss of having your partner close to you.